Rupees. Gold Dust. Miss Monalisa Wuko. I've Got Mail!

A sample of recent email that made it through the spam filter:

Rupees? For Me?
Dear applicant,
After the last annual calculation of your fiscal activity we have determined that you are eligible to receive a tax refund of 820.50 Rupees. To Access the form for your tax refund please click here: Tax Refund Online Form
Department of Revenue,
Ministry of Finance Government of India

Maybe No Rupees After All
Dear Bank of India customer,
We recently reviewed your account, and we are suspecting that your Internet Banking account may have been accessed from an unauthorized computer. This may be due to changes in your IP address or location. Protecting the security of your account and of the Bank of India network is our primary concern.. . . We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause, and appreciate your support in helping us maintaining the integrity of the entire Bank of India system. Please login as soon as possible.
Thank you,
Bank of India Customer Service

Then Again, Maybe Just Maybe Those Rupees are Still There
Dear Customer,
Your Internet Banking Account need to be update Please login to your Online Bank of India and update your data info. To Login, please click the link below [info deleted] at Online Bank of India.

A Born-Again Senora from Kuwait
Estimado en Cristo,
Soy señora Eveline Hamson de Kuwait. I casada con Sr. Robert Hamson. Él trabajó con la embajada de Kuwait aquí en Costa de Marfil para nueve años antes de que él murió en el año 2003. Nos casaron por once años sin un niño. Él murió después de una breve enfermedad que duró por solamente cuatro días. Antes de su muerte éramos ambos otra vez nacidos cristianos. Puesto que su muerte que decidía no segundas nupcias o no conseguir a un niño fuera de mi hogar matrimonial contra el cual la biblia está. . . [yada yada yada, somebody died, she has dinero that she wants to share with me, in cristo]

Miss Anita Has Something She wants to Discuss With Moi (It's Definitely Not Punctuation)
Friendship is not only because of feelings or what we have. but because of Understanding, sharing and Caring. friendship does not think distance, age or even colour. friendship is not just playing or chatting with each other. but friendship is hearing each others voice from the heart. A friend is a gift from God. someone who will cares as much as i do. i have read your profile and i became interested in you and i will like to know you more, i am miss anita, i want to be your friend please mail on then i will send you my picture and as well tell you more about me. Beside i have a special something i want to discuss with you, hope to hear from you soonest. with this address. (anitamabou@ deleted)


Five Bucks and Insurance Quotes From Ron
My name is Ron Park and I run an auto insurance business in Miami. Since you run a blog in Miami, I'd like to ask if you'd be interested in working out an advertising relationship with me.It's pretty simple. All I'd ask for is a blogroll link pointing to my website, [yadayadayada].org or a blog post with a link to my website from your blog. And after the links up, I'll send you $5 with Paypal. Easy as that. And I'll also throw in free insurance quotes for you! ;o)
Thanks for your time, and let me know if you're interested!

Gold Dust From Jerry Konoyima
Re: I do not need any financial assistance from you neither do you own me any financial obligation in this transaction.
Greeting, I am Mr. Jerry konoyima. My reason of contacting you is that we have Gold AU GOLD DUST Quantity: 240 kg every month or more Quality: 22 CARAT Purity : 97.56% for sell from Ghana and freetown Serria Leone. If you are interested please reply this mail: with your full contact details, Detail will be giving in next mail.Wait to hear from you. I want to sale the gold 5% below international market price for gold.
Jerry konoyima

Got This, All You MFA holders?
Is your lack of a degree holding you back from career advancement?
Are you having difficulty finding employment in your field of interest because you don’t have the paper to back it up – even though you are qualified?
If you are looking for a fast and effective solution, we can help!
Call us right now for your customized diploma: 1-718-000-0000 [number changed] . . .
one of our staff members will get back to you promptly!

Screenplay for a Made-for-TV-Movie? [parens mine]
From: Miss Monalisa Wuko to you
Dearest One,
Good day and how are you today? I hope fine? After going through your profile, permit me to inform you of my desire of asking you to be a guardian or foster parent to me and then help me out in what i am about to tell you. I know this may sound strange to you , receiving a mail from an unknown person, but my condition has forced me to do that.

[Act 1]
I'm Miss Monalisa Wuko 19 years old, the only daughter of Late Mr. & Mrs. John U.Wuko. My father was a very wealthy cocoa merchant here in Abidjan, the economic capital of Cote D'Ivoire. He was poisoned to death by his Brothers on one of their village meetings, my mother died when I was a baby. Before the death of my father on March 2008 in a private hospital here in Abidjan, he secretly called me by his bed side and told me that he has the sum of Eight Million United State Dollars USD ($8,000,000) deposited in a suspense account in one of the big banks here in Abidjan.

He then strongly advised me not to seek for assistance in the investment of the money from his lawyer nor any of his friend here but to seek for a foreign partner from a country of my choice (outside our country, Cote D'Ivoire) that will assist me in the wise investment of the money. I have since left the money in the bank with the view of my making use of it for investment purposes after my education carrier here. But as you may be already aware by now, our country (Cote D' Ivoire) is presently at political crises. Rebels have already taken over the whole Northern part of the country and making efforts towards to capture the commercial center of the country, Abidjan, where i am now. For this ugly development in this country, i have now decided to take quick actions and have this money transferred out of this country before it is too late for me in doing that.

[Act 2]
I now want to transfer it out and use it for investment purpose like real estate management or hotel management. Because of this i am honorably seeking your assistance in the following ways: (1) To serve as a guardian to me and then assist me transfer the money into your bank account.
(2) To make arrangement for me to come over to your country to further my education and then settle there parmanently.

If you accept to stand as my guardian or foster parent to me, i need not discuss on any percentage with you as you have to see the whole money as yours and then assist me invest it. But if you still want a percentage, i am willing to offer you, 20 % of the total money as compensation for your assistance. Please tell me if you feel the percentage i offered is not ok by you. As soon as i receive your concrete assurance to assist me with my proposal and also your full contact address/phone number, i will then give the bank your contact information and then tell them to transfer the money into your account as i want to come over to stay with you parmanently.

[Act 3]
The bank will then contact you and communicate with you on the transfer. You shall then be giving me information on when the transfer will be over. I shall also send my pictures to you and shall also need yours own too. No matter what your decision may turn out to be, please i beg you to keep this highly secret for my safety, as I believe that those people that killed my Daddy are still after me. Indicate your willingness to help.

Thanks and God bless you.
Best regards,
Miss. Monalisa Wuko

And god bless us all, Miss Wuko


Anonymous said...

Those were great- I always get an email from Dr. Mansur Muhtar, (the Honourable Minister of Finance of The Federal Republic of Nigeria) who thinks I am 'quite lucky' and wants to transfer US$10,500,000:00into a secret account in Switzerland just for me!

natalie said...

wow, joanne! those are awesome! all i get are viagra coupons.

i do have to say, the ones that really disappoint me are the stock tips. i moonlight (or daylight) as a stock broker and i get calls all the time about hot stock tips that people want to investigate or buy, but are very leery of saying where they got the info. it's sometimes truly shocking.

i spoke with one gentleman who saw "an advertisement" on the coffee table while waiting for his boss. it depicted a guy, standing in a field, throwing up handfuls of money, and he was sure it had to be a safe bet.

i try my hardest to educate, and explain the risks involved when what i really want to say is "let me define a pump-and-dump scheme" or "run like hell".

there is a website which rates penny stocks/over the counter bulletin board stocks, and my favorite rating is the black skull and cross bones called caveat emptor. "is that bad?"

so, for the record, that email wasn't misdirected, that fax didn't get to you by accident, and the safest place for that flyer is the shredder.

LXV said...

Wh-a-a-h! My anti-spam filters must be working overtime. I haven't seen much of these since the days when they arrived by snail mail in blue aerogrammes with exotic foreign stamps typed on a machine with a broken key.

Cath S said...

Some of those are excellent. I regularly win the multi-squillion dollar Euro Lotto, which keeps me well supplied with acrylic paints LOL